She was passionate in all things she did, she
was always in her own world, and had an intensity that troubled certain people,
her name was Lana. The bright yellow colors she wore were supposed to be a
cautionary warning for on lookers, she wore her blue shirt underneath to
express her true mood, a cold blue. Lana felt things intensely, she felt she
was missing something as she sat against the concrete building wall of her job,
she lit her cigarette and observed the park in front of her. This park was the
only place that provided refugee from her provincial life. The rotten smell of
the cigarette engulfed the fresh spring air; similar to the way her rapid mood
swings would engulf the environment around her. The park was her favorite place
to spend her break. There was a large oak tree in the center of the park that
had vines wrapping around the tree with tiny intricate white flowers woven in. Lana
had her best thinking done when looking at this tree, it was similar to a form
of a therapy she felt a strong connection to it. The birds sat on the strong
tree branches and sang melodic songs. She was jealous of the birds, they had
the power to pick up and fly somewhere new everyday alone and start fresh. Lana
craved the freedom to pick up and leave, to explore what the world had to offer
but she knew that was completely unrealistic. There was a little girl with a
soft pink dress with big blue eyes that ran past with her Barbie doll chasing
girl who looked similar to her. It reminded her of her childhood innocence
something she knew was impossible to regain. The life of a child was simple.
The mind worked simply, things were not hard, it was yes or no. That was
something she also longed for again the simplicity and honesty a young child
held. Lana despised how complex the adult world was and the emotions and
reality that came with it. Before she
knew it, the little girl was standing in front of her. She looked into Lana’s
eyes with curiosity and confusion. Lana was caught off guard and shared a
simple hello. The little girl replied, “Hi my name is Georgia, I’m five years
old and this is my doll Jenny.” Lana was charmed by the informative child and
put out her cigarette in order to not impose her bad decisions on her. “My name
is Lana, I am 22 years old, and that’s my tree” Lana gestured to the tree and
continued “its name is sunny.” Georgia giggled and said, “Trees don’t have
names they are trees!!” Lana replied saying “Dolls don’t have names they are
just dolls!!” Georgia scrunched her nose up and then confessed what she had
wanted to, “Why are you smoking that, don’t ya know they are bad. Mommy says
they are bad for you and always yells at Daddy when she finds his secret
stash.” Lana was caught off guard, she hadn’t realized the child had been
observing her as much as she was observing the child. Flustered, Lana replied,
“Didn’t your mommy also tell you not to talk to strangers.” Georgia looked away
equally as flustered as Lana was and knew she was going against her mother’s
wishes but her curiosity could not be contained. Lana asked, “What do you wanna
be when you get older?” Georgia eagerly responded, “I’m gonna be a piolet!!”
Lana was stunned by her response, it wasn’t the typical one of a five-year-old
girl. Georgia continued, “I want to fly like the birds in your tree Sunny right
there.” Lana was touched by her dream and hoped that it would be achieved and
hoped that the child would hold that dream forever. She saw herself in that
child and wished she held on to her own childhood dreams. Maybe she wouldn’t be
pushing paper work at the concrete building near her beautiful park. Lana
realized what she was missing were her dreams, she looked into Georgia’s eyes
and said, “You never forget that, you are gonna be that piolet and one day I
may be on the plane you are flying!” Georgia smiled and said “Oh boy! That
would be crazy, I have to go before Mommy sees me she will be so mad, Good bye
Lana stop smoking the death sticks, that’s what mommy calls them!” Lana smiled
and said, “Okay, bye Georgia and listen to your mom, don’t talk to strangers!”
She ran off her red curly hair bounced as she ran with her doll dragging behind
her. Lana looked at the tree for a while and observed the flowers and life that
the tree had held. When her break was over she got up and knew what she needed
to do. Lana went back inside and quit her job, the child had awoken something
in her, she was sick of going through the motions she wanted more out of life
so more she would get.
Dear Melaina, This is a great first line: "She was passionate in all things she did, she was always in her own world, and had an intensity that troubled certain people, her name was Lana." We are drawn into the story and want to know more about this person and you deliver. Describing her clothes, you also pull out from the painting to put her in a specific place and time so that we are oriented to where she is. In a short span of time, you have something happen--she meets Georgia and is changed by the encounter. You've applied much of what we talked about in class by having her go through a significant change in a short amount of time. If we were to follow even more closely along with our discussion from last week, you would also want to start with her wanting something intensely---here she isn't necessarily the one who creates her fate--she doesn't take any action in the story other than to interact with the little girl. If you were to rewrite this, how would you make her be part of the change that occurs? In other words, what could she do in the moment of the story that would come from whatever it was she desired, and also bring her to a moment of change? She could put the cigarette out in the eye of the doll (don't do that--that's too mean). She could lie to the little girl. She could hand the little girl $20 and ask her to hop along and get her a tuna fish sandwich. She could do lots of things, but whatever she does would come from that initial need/want that you must establish early on. Maybe she is worried about changing her image, maybe she doesn't want to come off as so intense. How would she go about changing that and how might the interaction with the little girl be part of that change? Since you are the master of the story, there must be some reason why you chose to have her talk to Georgia, when you could have had her meet a guy in a dark suit, or find a $50 bill on the ground, or get a nosebleed. I am asking for a lot. This is just a small assignment, but think about these things as you start to create your other work. I enjoyed this very much.
I absolutely love this story. I would have never thought of this story behind the picture but it fits so well! I personally think you did a great job tying the image to a short story. The story created an image in my head. I could imagine all of the words off the screen.
Dear Melaina,
ReplyDeleteThis is a great first line: "She was passionate in all things she did, she was always in her own world, and had an intensity that troubled certain people, her name was Lana." We are drawn into the story and want to know more about this person and you deliver. Describing her clothes, you also pull out from the painting to put her in a specific place and time so that we are oriented to where she is. In a short span of time, you have something happen--she meets Georgia and is changed by the encounter. You've applied much of what we talked about in class by having her go through a significant change in a short amount of time. If we were to follow even more closely along with our discussion from last week, you would also want to start with her wanting something intensely---here she isn't necessarily the one who creates her fate--she doesn't take any action in the story other than to interact with the little girl. If you were to rewrite this, how would you make her be part of the change that occurs? In other words, what could she do in the moment of the story that would come from whatever it was she desired, and also bring her to a moment of change? She could put the cigarette out in the eye of the doll (don't do that--that's too mean). She could lie to the little girl. She could hand the little girl $20 and ask her to hop along and get her a tuna fish sandwich. She could do lots of things, but whatever she does would come from that initial need/want that you must establish early on. Maybe she is worried about changing her image, maybe she doesn't want to come off as so intense. How would she go about changing that and how might the interaction with the little girl be part of that change? Since you are the master of the story, there must be some reason why you chose to have her talk to Georgia, when you could have had her meet a guy in a dark suit, or find a $50 bill on the ground, or get a nosebleed. I am asking for a lot. This is just a small assignment, but think about these things as you start to create your other work. I enjoyed this very much.
I absolutely love this story. I would have never thought of this story behind the picture but it fits so well! I personally think you did a great job tying the image to a short story. The story created an image in my head. I could imagine all of the words off the screen.
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